Friday, September 30, 2005
Well.. nearly 2 years since I last posted.. I guess I just kinda lost interest in telling people what I was doing. Just to give you a quick rundown on things that have happened before I go on with what I'm currently doing:
November 20, 2003, I flew down to Sydney after my last exam to finally meet a certain girl who I met online in about July. Had a really great time down there, and about a month later (slightly longer, since it was actually after Christmas), she came up to Brisbane to visit me for a bit over a week. After that, she flew back up on Valentine's day. Two months later, we'd decided that we couldn't stand a long-distance relationship. Because I was still in uni and at that stage, she wasn't, she moved up to Brisbane. Nearly 2 years on, we're now living and working together and love each other dearly. We're planning on spending our 2nd anniversary in Rome, or failing that, on the flight to Rome..
In other news, I've graduated from uni and now have a BA (Anc. Hist.) after my name. As far as I can see, the vast majority of what this does for me was allow me into the Juris Doctor program as a post-graduate law student. Apparently, this is still unconfirmed, but I was told by a professor (from a different department, mind) that this is a professional doctorate much the same as an MD is. Meaning, when I graduate, I will be Dr Dave.. scary thought.. However, there's currently too much going on in my life for me to be able to devote the time I need to study, so I've taken a year off in order to get everything else sorted out.
Everything else at this stage consists of working for a telco (Hutchison Telecom - the guys who own 3 and Orange), still running Harcourt Technology and am now a director and 50% owner of Hcubed Pty Ltd (a software development house.. which is kinda ironic since I can't code anything more complex than hello world..). On top of that, I'm trying to get fit, and have my own personal trainer in the form of my younger brother. I want to go to the gym more often, but firstly, I don't really have that much more time available, and secondly, every time we go, I hurt for several days afterwards..
Not really sure why, but am feeling slightly melancholic at the moment.. it was my birthday yesterday, and I have a suspicion that one of my brothers kinda forgot about it.. it doesn't really surprise me, the poor guy's so flat out it's not funny.. in his position, I'd barely remember my OWN birthday, let alone anyone else's..
I also have a potentially major contract on the horizon.. I can't really say to much about it yet, but if I get it, I will be able to resign and focus on Hcubed for the next 15 years without any problems at all.. By the way, if anyone out there is or knows of a programmer who is skilled in the .Net framework and preferrably knows CSharp or ASP, or really anything, and would be prepared to trust a startup company to work for deferred payment with a trailing commission as an incentive, please leave me a comment.. We're not looking to rip anyone off, but until we get paid by the client, we can't afford to pay anyone, including ourselves.. What we're hoping for is a 3rd or 4th year IT student looking for their first break into the industry. If they did a good job, we'd make damned sure we paid them well and give them the best referrence we could.. assuming they didn't want to come onboard full time.. :) It would probably be for about a month to 6 weeks, and we'd be looking to pay between $4000-$6000 for that time, with a trailing retainer of about $500/month for 18 months after.. The only catch is, they have to be prepared to trust us that we're genuine and would hold to our contract (we wouldn't do this verbally, it would be laid out in a contract to protect both them and us). Anyway, if anyone's interested, send an email to david (at) hcubed (dot) com (dot) au
Anyway, I've got to go get ready for this meeting.. feeling slightly shaky.. this kinda fell into my lap, and I'm doing everything I can not to drop the ball..
I have to say, it feels good to be able to write again. I'd forgotten how cathartic it is..
November 20, 2003, I flew down to Sydney after my last exam to finally meet a certain girl who I met online in about July. Had a really great time down there, and about a month later (slightly longer, since it was actually after Christmas), she came up to Brisbane to visit me for a bit over a week. After that, she flew back up on Valentine's day. Two months later, we'd decided that we couldn't stand a long-distance relationship. Because I was still in uni and at that stage, she wasn't, she moved up to Brisbane. Nearly 2 years on, we're now living and working together and love each other dearly. We're planning on spending our 2nd anniversary in Rome, or failing that, on the flight to Rome..
In other news, I've graduated from uni and now have a BA (Anc. Hist.) after my name. As far as I can see, the vast majority of what this does for me was allow me into the Juris Doctor program as a post-graduate law student. Apparently, this is still unconfirmed, but I was told by a professor (from a different department, mind) that this is a professional doctorate much the same as an MD is. Meaning, when I graduate, I will be Dr Dave.. scary thought.. However, there's currently too much going on in my life for me to be able to devote the time I need to study, so I've taken a year off in order to get everything else sorted out.
Everything else at this stage consists of working for a telco (Hutchison Telecom - the guys who own 3 and Orange), still running Harcourt Technology and am now a director and 50% owner of Hcubed Pty Ltd (a software development house.. which is kinda ironic since I can't code anything more complex than hello world..). On top of that, I'm trying to get fit, and have my own personal trainer in the form of my younger brother. I want to go to the gym more often, but firstly, I don't really have that much more time available, and secondly, every time we go, I hurt for several days afterwards..
Not really sure why, but am feeling slightly melancholic at the moment.. it was my birthday yesterday, and I have a suspicion that one of my brothers kinda forgot about it.. it doesn't really surprise me, the poor guy's so flat out it's not funny.. in his position, I'd barely remember my OWN birthday, let alone anyone else's..
I also have a potentially major contract on the horizon.. I can't really say to much about it yet, but if I get it, I will be able to resign and focus on Hcubed for the next 15 years without any problems at all.. By the way, if anyone out there is or knows of a programmer who is skilled in the .Net framework and preferrably knows CSharp or ASP, or really anything, and would be prepared to trust a startup company to work for deferred payment with a trailing commission as an incentive, please leave me a comment.. We're not looking to rip anyone off, but until we get paid by the client, we can't afford to pay anyone, including ourselves.. What we're hoping for is a 3rd or 4th year IT student looking for their first break into the industry. If they did a good job, we'd make damned sure we paid them well and give them the best referrence we could.. assuming they didn't want to come onboard full time.. :) It would probably be for about a month to 6 weeks, and we'd be looking to pay between $4000-$6000 for that time, with a trailing retainer of about $500/month for 18 months after.. The only catch is, they have to be prepared to trust us that we're genuine and would hold to our contract (we wouldn't do this verbally, it would be laid out in a contract to protect both them and us). Anyway, if anyone's interested, send an email to david (at) hcubed (dot) com (dot) au
Anyway, I've got to go get ready for this meeting.. feeling slightly shaky.. this kinda fell into my lap, and I'm doing everything I can not to drop the ball..
I have to say, it feels good to be able to write again. I'd forgotten how cathartic it is..
Wednesday, October 29, 2003
My god I feel sick :(
In other news, I've got another site :) The first person to find it and email the link to me (NOT post it here), earns a cookie :)
In other news, I've got another site :) The first person to find it and email the link to me (NOT post it here), earns a cookie :)
Saturday, October 11, 2003
WOOHOO!!! I am STOKED!! I've just found out that we FINALLY have an ADSL supported exchange!! About bloody time! Damn.. we've been salivating for this for so long.. now all we need to do is convince mum and dad that it's a good thing, and get Dad's work to shell out for it ::grins::
Monday, September 29, 2003
::sings::
Happy Birthday to me,
Happy Birthday to me!
Happy Birthday to me-ee,
Happy Birthday to me!
::/sings::
Anyway, people should turn up at my place around 6:30 on Saturday (only if you're invited..we've got limited seating capacity).
Even if you're not invited, presents are still welcome ::grins like an evil bitch::
Happy Birthday to me,
Happy Birthday to me!
Happy Birthday to me-ee,
Happy Birthday to me!
::/sings::
Anyway, people should turn up at my place around 6:30 on Saturday (only if you're invited..we've got limited seating capacity).
Even if you're not invited, presents are still welcome ::grins like an evil bitch::
Tuesday, September 23, 2003
WOOHOO!! :) I just got a pay-raise, backdated to the 1st of July. Am a happy little tech-drone :)
Monday, September 15, 2003
Ok.. I got to work on a VERY STRANGE database today. Simon, I'm hoping you'll correct my terminology because VB, as with most other programming languages, is REALLY not my thing.
However, said database had an interesting little quirk, in that the back end of it was written in Access, which worked (there's a surprise in and of itself). However, the front end was written in VB and for some reason (and here's the part I want someone to correct my terminology on), it decided to run a subroutine through/under Outlook 2000 and, without that installed, it refused to function. Now.. seriously.. WHO THE HELL runs a database through Outlook?!?!
Grr...
However, said database had an interesting little quirk, in that the back end of it was written in Access, which worked (there's a surprise in and of itself). However, the front end was written in VB and for some reason (and here's the part I want someone to correct my terminology on), it decided to run a subroutine through/under Outlook 2000 and, without that installed, it refused to function. Now.. seriously.. WHO THE HELL runs a database through Outlook?!?!
Grr...
Taken from Melina's website:
As hard as it can be to accept, we sometimes also need to look at the child who is being bullied. You have to see if they are, often completely intentionally, actually provocateurs of the behaviour.
Are they showing off? Are they grabbing things that don't belong to them? Do they know how to behave in different social interactions?
The way I see it, so were a lot of people and as uncomfortable as it is to admit, there is a fair amount of truth in it. Firstly, NO I DO NOT CONDONE BULLYING. However, the professor, who has devoted his life to childhood study and behaviour made a QUALIFIED statement saying that it's not ALWAYS the bully's fault. I dunno about you, but when I was at school, I knew a lot of kids who were picked on and singled out because of the way they acted. Not as in, they didn't wear "cool" clothes or anything like that, but because it seemed they intentionally went out of their way to irritate the fuck out of other people. Now, I don't claim to be a child psychologist, but from various sectors, I've picked up a little knowledge and understanding of this kind of shit.
As the professor said, you SOMETIMES also have to look at the bullied child". This does not say "bullying is acceptable because the kids who get picked on deserve it". This is an inference to child behavioural abnormalities such as ADHD and SADD. As a clinical diagnosis (rather than a cop-out for bad parenting), these kids often feel excluded because their brains don't function the same way as a normal child. Therefore, they constantly feel the need to draw attention to themselves in order to feel validated (shit.. the work at the commission is starting to affect my use of wank-words.. watch out, I might just throw in paradigm :)). As such, the type of attention isn't overly important, provided that they are receiving SOME form of attention, including bullying from other children, since at least then they aren't being ignored.
Anyway, that's my post for the moment. However, because I'm not a COMPLETELY heartless bastard, I do sympathise with children who get bullied when they aren't being an agent provocateur. Hell.. I copped more abuse than most kids did, right from year 1. In fact, one of my first memories was having 4-5 of the boys in Andrew's year (year 5) hold me down and beat the shit out of me when I was in maybe week 2 of year 1. Please feel free to comment either way, but remember: If you just plan on abusing me, go away, or if you do persist, I will block your IP.
Wibblers, I think I've removed any reference to Melina except for the link to her site (given that I stole the quote from her page). If there's anything else, please let me know.
As hard as it can be to accept, we sometimes also need to look at the child who is being bullied. You have to see if they are, often completely intentionally, actually provocateurs of the behaviour.
Are they showing off? Are they grabbing things that don't belong to them? Do they know how to behave in different social interactions?
The way I see it, so were a lot of people and as uncomfortable as it is to admit, there is a fair amount of truth in it. Firstly, NO I DO NOT CONDONE BULLYING. However, the professor, who has devoted his life to childhood study and behaviour made a QUALIFIED statement saying that it's not ALWAYS the bully's fault. I dunno about you, but when I was at school, I knew a lot of kids who were picked on and singled out because of the way they acted. Not as in, they didn't wear "cool" clothes or anything like that, but because it seemed they intentionally went out of their way to irritate the fuck out of other people. Now, I don't claim to be a child psychologist, but from various sectors, I've picked up a little knowledge and understanding of this kind of shit.
As the professor said, you SOMETIMES also have to look at the bullied child". This does not say "bullying is acceptable because the kids who get picked on deserve it". This is an inference to child behavioural abnormalities such as ADHD and SADD. As a clinical diagnosis (rather than a cop-out for bad parenting), these kids often feel excluded because their brains don't function the same way as a normal child. Therefore, they constantly feel the need to draw attention to themselves in order to feel validated (shit.. the work at the commission is starting to affect my use of wank-words.. watch out, I might just throw in paradigm :)). As such, the type of attention isn't overly important, provided that they are receiving SOME form of attention, including bullying from other children, since at least then they aren't being ignored.
Anyway, that's my post for the moment. However, because I'm not a COMPLETELY heartless bastard, I do sympathise with children who get bullied when they aren't being an agent provocateur. Hell.. I copped more abuse than most kids did, right from year 1. In fact, one of my first memories was having 4-5 of the boys in Andrew's year (year 5) hold me down and beat the shit out of me when I was in maybe week 2 of year 1. Please feel free to comment either way, but remember: If you just plan on abusing me, go away, or if you do persist, I will block your IP.
Wibblers, I think I've removed any reference to Melina except for the link to her site (given that I stole the quote from her page). If there's anything else, please let me know.
Sunday, September 14, 2003
Eurgh.. so sick.. so tired..
Thursday, September 11, 2003
Ok.. everyone say with me... FUBAR!!!
I'm working on a 2gb laptop drive (preparing it for a system transfer (long story, but trust me.. it needed to be done). Ok.. now, remember, this is a 2 (that's TWO) gigabyte drive. So, HOW THE HELL could it have a folder containing 42 (that's FORTY-TWO) gigabytes of data in it? What's even screwier, when I go into that folder to check the sizings, I see a single file sitting there, telling me it's actually 73 (that's SEVENTY-THREE) gigabytes in size.. WTF is going on?!?
Some (read: most) of the time, I really hate windoze..
I'm working on a 2gb laptop drive (preparing it for a system transfer (long story, but trust me.. it needed to be done). Ok.. now, remember, this is a 2 (that's TWO) gigabyte drive. So, HOW THE HELL could it have a folder containing 42 (that's FORTY-TWO) gigabytes of data in it? What's even screwier, when I go into that folder to check the sizings, I see a single file sitting there, telling me it's actually 73 (that's SEVENTY-THREE) gigabytes in size.. WTF is going on?!?
Some (read: most) of the time, I really hate windoze..
Tuesday, September 09, 2003
Uurgh.. I'm not feeling the greatest.. I got both assignments finished in time, although it meant my only getting 45 minutes sleep on Sunday night.. Am currently at work and although I should be working, I'm still feeling pretty miserable. Hell.. I'm barely conscious and I've had 5 cans of V (including 2 of the sugarfree V cans) since 9am and I've got another one sitting here for me to open when I think I can handle that much more caffeine.. Really feeling sick and added to that, this amount of caffeine (about 5 times the recommended daily intake) can't POSSIBLY be good for me.. I think I'm going to go whimper in a corner somewhere..
Sunday, September 07, 2003
DAMMIT! Brain going into meltdown. I've had 2 "supposedly" 1000 word assignments due in tomorrow. However, one of them was a museum study/report on an artifact from the museum. That little bugger alone was nearly 4,000 words. My brain is melting..
However, on the positive side, my next one is: "What impression does Sophocles intend us to have of the characters of Antigone and Creon? Does he represent Antigone as justified in burying Polyneices in spite of Creon's edict?"
Nice and easy, but unfortunately, my brain, as I said, has melted. So, I think I might go to bed and reread the play, so that when I get to uni at 8am tomorrow morning, I've got all of 5 hours to get it done. At 200 words per hour, I should be able to do a reasonable job.. and hell.. if I don't like it, or it isn't finished, I can always go to Student Services and whinge about how moving into and then back out of Dimity's place has seriously disrupted my studies and all that rubbish.. I love it.. they're so stupid and left-wing, but at times they can be really useful :)
Also, he knows that I dislocated my shoulder last week.. if all else fails, I can just ask him for an extension.. he's a fairly nice guy and recognises that I am way ahead of this course (and no, that's not me being arrogant. I've done EVERY other Greek course on offer, and the last one I had left to do was, funnily enough, introduction to Greek history :)).
Aren't I lucky that they know I'm not a slacker? Hang on, I leave assignments until the last minute.. ok.. I guess I am a slacker...and they just don't know it :)
However, on the positive side, my next one is: "What impression does Sophocles intend us to have of the characters of Antigone and Creon? Does he represent Antigone as justified in burying Polyneices in spite of Creon's edict?"
Nice and easy, but unfortunately, my brain, as I said, has melted. So, I think I might go to bed and reread the play, so that when I get to uni at 8am tomorrow morning, I've got all of 5 hours to get it done. At 200 words per hour, I should be able to do a reasonable job.. and hell.. if I don't like it, or it isn't finished, I can always go to Student Services and whinge about how moving into and then back out of Dimity's place has seriously disrupted my studies and all that rubbish.. I love it.. they're so stupid and left-wing, but at times they can be really useful :)
Also, he knows that I dislocated my shoulder last week.. if all else fails, I can just ask him for an extension.. he's a fairly nice guy and recognises that I am way ahead of this course (and no, that's not me being arrogant. I've done EVERY other Greek course on offer, and the last one I had left to do was, funnily enough, introduction to Greek history :)).
Aren't I lucky that they know I'm not a slacker? Hang on, I leave assignments until the last minute.. ok.. I guess I am a slacker...and they just don't know it :)
Saturday, September 06, 2003
I've been here for less than 2 weeks and I'm not certain I want to stay. I know, with the amount of time I spend talking about this girl, but recently I've been getting angry and frustrated with her. She treats me like as one very apt person said, a "boyfriend of opportunity". Someone she feels comfortable with and knows she can rely upon, but when I'm not needed, I get shunted off to the side. Recently it's been even more than that. Sometimes she feels like spending time with me, but the majority of the time, I get completely ignored. I'm not exaggerating, I mean COMPLETELY ignored, to the extent that if I need to ask her about something, she makes it very difficult, getting angry and looking put upon, by my asking a question such as "where does the iron go?" or "is there an extension cord around here?".
Is very disheartening and I'm not sure I want to stay here. The problem is, she knows how much I care about her and that I'd do almost anything to make sure she was happy, but this is starting to hurt more than I can handle.
I mean, I love living out of home, particularly since I have the money to afford it, but I'm losing sleep, not eating properly (then again, those two things are standard), lying awake at night trying to figure out why she's doing it or even if she's aware of it and three times this week, I've come very close to lashing out at people who've done nothing wrong, simply because I'm feeling futile and used.
I love living here, but at the same time, it's about as much fun as walking on broken glass. I really don't want to move back home, but if this keeps up for much longer, I might have to. I don't think I can take much more of it...
Is very disheartening and I'm not sure I want to stay here. The problem is, she knows how much I care about her and that I'd do almost anything to make sure she was happy, but this is starting to hurt more than I can handle.
I mean, I love living out of home, particularly since I have the money to afford it, but I'm losing sleep, not eating properly (then again, those two things are standard), lying awake at night trying to figure out why she's doing it or even if she's aware of it and three times this week, I've come very close to lashing out at people who've done nothing wrong, simply because I'm feeling futile and used.
I love living here, but at the same time, it's about as much fun as walking on broken glass. I really don't want to move back home, but if this keeps up for much longer, I might have to. I don't think I can take much more of it...
Friday, August 29, 2003
You know, the older I get, the more I wish I didn't grow up. This has been a fairly good week, but you know how sometimes you just feel like you've lost something? I guess I'm kinda feeling a little lost at the moment. Things seem on hold, I'm not really going anywhere. Stagnant? Possibly.. ::shrugs:: I don't know.. Just ignore me. I'll be fine.
Sunday, August 24, 2003
Is very, very cold. Dimity asked me to move in with her last night. We talked about it, talked to the significant other parties involved (namely her mum, Phoebe and Scoon, although how Phoebe and Scoon became significant in this, I'm still not overly sure), and the upshot is, as of tomorrow, I'm moving in with her for a 2-week trial. At the end of which, if she's sick of me, she reserves the right to kick me out. However, if I get sick of her (slim as that possibility seems), I DON'T get to kick her out. I think she's getting the better end of the bargain here..
Oh yeah.. Birthday pre-cursor to proper invitations went out today. If you didn't get one, then either you're not invited, I forgot about you, or I forgot about you BECAUSE you're not invited. However, if you believe you're a friend of mine and I haven't said/done anything to persuade you otherwise, feel free to drop me a line (harcourt_david(at)hotmail.com) to check.
Damn.. did I mention it's cold here?
Umm.. what else? I'm back in the market for a mobile phone, so Bartek, hurry up and get back to me, dammit! :)
Still have a little bit of work to do on Cathy McLymont's computer tomorrow, but after that, it is ready for me to deliver to her. Can't do it Tuesday since I'm now working then, rather than Fridays.. I wonder if I can swing both? I could use the money...
Anyway, with that ramble out of the road, I'm off to bed.
Oh yeah.. Birthday pre-cursor to proper invitations went out today. If you didn't get one, then either you're not invited, I forgot about you, or I forgot about you BECAUSE you're not invited. However, if you believe you're a friend of mine and I haven't said/done anything to persuade you otherwise, feel free to drop me a line (harcourt_david(at)hotmail.com) to check.
Damn.. did I mention it's cold here?
Umm.. what else? I'm back in the market for a mobile phone, so Bartek, hurry up and get back to me, dammit! :)
Still have a little bit of work to do on Cathy McLymont's computer tomorrow, but after that, it is ready for me to deliver to her. Can't do it Tuesday since I'm now working then, rather than Fridays.. I wonder if I can swing both? I could use the money...
Anyway, with that ramble out of the road, I'm off to bed.
Friday, August 22, 2003
Inimitible Dave dropping in to reassure everyone that yes, it was actually Dim. She hijacked my account for a minute.
Thursday, August 21, 2003
Infamous Dim just dropping in to say 'Hi,' and to assure everyone that I really exist.
Thursday, August 14, 2003
Ok. I'm angry. Not just a little irritated, or even mildly shitty. I'm going into the early stages of a fully blown psychopathic blood rage. I've had 3 hours sleep over the last 2 days and when I HAVEN'T been driving all over the place, I've been fighting this new fucking virus, known as w.32/blaster_worm.exe (Symantec) or w.32/lovsan.exe (McAfee) or a series of other fucking names, that's invading ports 135 and 4444 with TCP protocol attacks. I started working on one system last night at 11pm and finished it at 4:30 this morning. I got home and into bed around 5am, only to be lying there, fuming over the FUCKING ASSHOLE who designed this virus. I don't often literally want to kill people, but this guy I want to hunt down, find and tear him limb from limb, one joint at a time. So, I got fuck all sleep, woke up and was immediately confronted with Dad's system having similar problems (albeit with different virii causing it). After all this shit was sorted out, I ended up heading over to Dave McFadyen's place to secure his system from attack. The stupid bastard is running Win98SE with NO FIREWALL OR ANTI-VIRUS ON A DEDICATED FIBRE-OPTIC CABLE INTERNET CONNECTION!!!! However, by the end of the day, I'd managed to convince him that I was NOT trying to get him to upgrade to XP Pro merely because I'm "a computer geek, and computer geeks always want to upgrade stuff when it doesn't need it, just because they can" (Fadge in an earlier conversation), but because of the additional security and stability provided by the Windows 2000 platform that XP runs on. Anyway, to cut a long story short, I got home this evening to find that now MY system has become infected by this virus. BUT, here's where the shit gets weird. I'm running 2 firewalls and 3 anti-virus programs. It couldn't touch my computer from an external connection. SO, what it did do, was to establish a connection to MIKE'S machine, which because it's coming from my IP address on our local network (192.168.0.1, due to the fact that whenever ICS is enabled, the host system automatically defaults to that IP address, regardless of what it is normally). So, Mike's computer accepted the incoming traffic on ports 135 and 4444 as from a trusted network, planting the virus on Mike's system. According to Andrew, because of some errors in the virus code, it immediately attacks the carrier of the virus (in this case, my system). However, because the traffic was now coming from a local IP address on a trusted network (Mike), my computer accepted it and it then fucked up my system. Here's the kicker. The reason my virus scanners didn't pick it up, was because my definitions were NINE HOURS OLD, which apparently, wasn't new enough to stop the threat.
So, now I'm having to SERIOUSLY fuck around with Windows, edit the registry, install the hotfix and all the windows XP updates (not including SP2), remove the .exe file and basically rebuild my system due to the .dll files it destroyed in the registry.
If anyone wants/needs me to remove this problem from their machines, I've been advised that I'm to charge $99.00 per hour, and that that's being VERY generous. My email address is harcourt_david(at)hotmail.com or call me on 5546 8154.
So, now I'm having to SERIOUSLY fuck around with Windows, edit the registry, install the hotfix and all the windows XP updates (not including SP2), remove the .exe file and basically rebuild my system due to the .dll files it destroyed in the registry.
If anyone wants/needs me to remove this problem from their machines, I've been advised that I'm to charge $99.00 per hour, and that that's being VERY generous. My email address is harcourt_david(at)hotmail.com or call me on 5546 8154.
Monday, August 11, 2003
ok.. back to normal now :) It would appear as if my descriptor for last week would have been "teen angst redux" :) Not a healthy way to be.. however, at least one good thing about it is the fact that it's a lot less INTENSE than "teen angst original" is (was?).
Anyway, have things sorted, have my head together again and I won't say am back to normal, but perhaps, am back to abnormal :) (damn.. I'm a funny bugger aren't I?)
Anyway, I've just been shopping, picked up another pair of jeans (yes Adrian, they're BLACK) and a new shirt (no Adrian, it's NOT black, it's a sky blue check-patterned, button-up short sleeve thing :)). Got flirted with outrageously by the sales chick (never a bad thing :)) and bought some hair cream. Not gel, not wax, not mousse, but a cream. Very interesting stuff.. I think I like it though.
Am still being harassed by the evil buggers at CGU over insurance, as in, they don't believe that I had 2 ancient roman coins in my wallet. Then again, if I were in their position, I probably wouldn't either. Maybe if I'd just said that I had a $1000 winning scratch-it ticket that I was planning on cashing later that day, they might have been more believing.. but probably not.
Am thinking about changing my current "style" or "look" as Dim would say (actually, she'd say it a lot better with this whole head movement thing.. but, I'll leave that to her since she does it better than I can explain). I think I'm going to semi-retire my 3/4 coat and pick up a leather jacket for day wear, leaving my coat (a new one, since this one is looking a little battered and maltreated) for evening wear :) (whoooh :) sounds almost classy ::grins::).
Also, am thinking of taking a house-sitting position at Kenmore. A lovely lady in my Greek Art & Architecture is wanting to go on a cruise or something for a few months but doesn't want to leave the house empty (enter Me, stage left). She first mentioned it to me a few weeks ago, but I didn't say or do anything, considering it to be too inconvenient. However, having thought about it, I think it might actually be a good idea. So, I'm going to find out all the details I can today (as in, is there a lockup garage, rules on parties, maintenance of the garden, bills, telephone, internet access, stuff like that..) and will make a decision hopefully by the end of the week.
Anyway, I'm off to class. Only 2 hours today.. all my tutes are either having a week off or were cancelled due to the Ekka holiday :). Oh yeah.. must remember to hit up Dimity for my Bertie Beatle Showbag. Can't remember if I mentioned it, but her little brother Will is judging sheep or cattle (not sure which) at the show, so I'm VERY tempted to send him an email saying something witty like: "The pointy bits go at the front" (however, if he's judging sheep, then I'm going to look like an even bigger idiot than normal).
To cap off:
* Things good
* I mean it
* Will judging livestock of some description at the Ekka
* Me possibly moving out of home
* Bertie Beatle Showbags are da BOMB, and finally
* Style = good
Anyway, have things sorted, have my head together again and I won't say am back to normal, but perhaps, am back to abnormal :) (damn.. I'm a funny bugger aren't I?)
Anyway, I've just been shopping, picked up another pair of jeans (yes Adrian, they're BLACK) and a new shirt (no Adrian, it's NOT black, it's a sky blue check-patterned, button-up short sleeve thing :)). Got flirted with outrageously by the sales chick (never a bad thing :)) and bought some hair cream. Not gel, not wax, not mousse, but a cream. Very interesting stuff.. I think I like it though.
Am still being harassed by the evil buggers at CGU over insurance, as in, they don't believe that I had 2 ancient roman coins in my wallet. Then again, if I were in their position, I probably wouldn't either. Maybe if I'd just said that I had a $1000 winning scratch-it ticket that I was planning on cashing later that day, they might have been more believing.. but probably not.
Am thinking about changing my current "style" or "look" as Dim would say (actually, she'd say it a lot better with this whole head movement thing.. but, I'll leave that to her since she does it better than I can explain). I think I'm going to semi-retire my 3/4 coat and pick up a leather jacket for day wear, leaving my coat (a new one, since this one is looking a little battered and maltreated) for evening wear :) (whoooh :) sounds almost classy ::grins::).
Also, am thinking of taking a house-sitting position at Kenmore. A lovely lady in my Greek Art & Architecture is wanting to go on a cruise or something for a few months but doesn't want to leave the house empty (enter Me, stage left). She first mentioned it to me a few weeks ago, but I didn't say or do anything, considering it to be too inconvenient. However, having thought about it, I think it might actually be a good idea. So, I'm going to find out all the details I can today (as in, is there a lockup garage, rules on parties, maintenance of the garden, bills, telephone, internet access, stuff like that..) and will make a decision hopefully by the end of the week.
Anyway, I'm off to class. Only 2 hours today.. all my tutes are either having a week off or were cancelled due to the Ekka holiday :). Oh yeah.. must remember to hit up Dimity for my Bertie Beatle Showbag. Can't remember if I mentioned it, but her little brother Will is judging sheep or cattle (not sure which) at the show, so I'm VERY tempted to send him an email saying something witty like: "The pointy bits go at the front" (however, if he's judging sheep, then I'm going to look like an even bigger idiot than normal).
To cap off:
* Things good
* I mean it
* Will judging livestock of some description at the Ekka
* Me possibly moving out of home
* Bertie Beatle Showbags are da BOMB, and finally
* Style = good
Friday, August 08, 2003
haha hehe hoho :) Andrew's just done something possibly a little silly :) He broadcast to his work mates (Telstra's Security Architecture Group - ie: The baddest of the bad mofos in Cyberspace) his challenge regarding his firewall. He thinks he might be having to take a few people to dinner in the not-too-distant future :).
However, I'm not sure he should be too worried.. hell. This firewall has stood the hacks of time (excuse me.. VERY bad poeting thoughts going on atm..) since January 2001 without a single breach. These guys would have to be REAL good to even come close. I look forward to updated news with interest :)
However, I'm not sure he should be too worried.. hell. This firewall has stood the hacks of time (excuse me.. VERY bad poeting thoughts going on atm..) since January 2001 without a single breach. These guys would have to be REAL good to even come close. I look forward to updated news with interest :)
hehehe.. ::evil smirk::
Not only are the females who work in employment screening really hot, but I was just in the kitchen complaining about having a headache (results of the scotch tour last night) and one of them (a VERY attractive one, in fact) offered to "take my temperature". Damn.. I wish I could pass on the body language and tone of voice that went with it, but it was bloody amusing and slightly disturbing..(particularly since we don't have a photocopy room as such, but rather a photocopy area that is fully open ::scowls::
Anyway, back to work ::grins::
Not only are the females who work in employment screening really hot, but I was just in the kitchen complaining about having a headache (results of the scotch tour last night) and one of them (a VERY attractive one, in fact) offered to "take my temperature". Damn.. I wish I could pass on the body language and tone of voice that went with it, but it was bloody amusing and slightly disturbing..(particularly since we don't have a photocopy room as such, but rather a photocopy area that is fully open ::scowls::
Anyway, back to work ::grins::
Wednesday, August 06, 2003
OK.. I know Adrian has already seen this, and for those of you who frequent Keenspot, you also might have seen it to. However, go here. Is very amusing and worth the short load time :)
I showed this blog to Dimity tonight. We talked about what was going on and, more accurately I suppose, what wasn't.
You know, I realised the other day that online webpages aren't the greatest place for sharing personal feelings and emotions, but I don't care. This space is here for me to post my feelings/emotions and things which appeal to me. At the moment, it's been largely focused on Dimity. Why? Because I haven't been sure what was going on with us and how things were going to work out. I'm currently feeling a bittersweet sadness. On the one hand, I felt closer to her tonight than I had for a very long time. We talked a lot. Mostly I talked about how I felt, what I was confused about, not so much what I wanted, but what I had wanted. This isn't to say I don't want her anymore. Hell.. far from it. But what it does mean is that we talked about us and simply put, friends we are, friends we will stay. Why is it that you never want what you can have? I kinda touched on this a few posts ago with regard to always having had feelings for this girl, but I came to the realisation tonight that what I want is an impossibility. So, I suppose in that respect, I'm also feeling the loneliest I have in a while. I can no longer hide behind the illusion or in my imagination that we are or will be anything more that this. I'm not saying this for pity or to make anyone feel guilty or sad for me, I'm just trying to order things in my head. It almost seems a little mocking that she's close enough to see, but always just out of reach. At the moment I'm feeling like the childhood love interest of Isabella Kane in Jeffrey Archer's The Prodigal Daughter. If anyone's read it, somehow I doubt that things will turn out the same in this situation as they did in the book. Then again, things rarely do.
You know, whilst I'm drifting on about what I don't have, I'm completely overlooking what I do have. Regardless of anything else, I've gotten to know and care deeply for one of the most compassionate, warm and caring people I could possibly imagine. Thinking about my other girlfriends, I did realise something tonight. I really was projecting Dimity onto them. This wasn't fair to them and thinking back on it now, I'm surprised that they put up with it for as long as they did. I was imagining them as this reincarnation of my relationship with Dimity rather than viewing it as a separate and special thing in its own right. I think I owe one girl in particular an apology. In the future though, I don't think I'll be dating for quite a while. At least not until I can be certain that whichever girl I'm dating, I'm dating her for who she is, not whom I want her to be...
You know, I realised the other day that online webpages aren't the greatest place for sharing personal feelings and emotions, but I don't care. This space is here for me to post my feelings/emotions and things which appeal to me. At the moment, it's been largely focused on Dimity. Why? Because I haven't been sure what was going on with us and how things were going to work out. I'm currently feeling a bittersweet sadness. On the one hand, I felt closer to her tonight than I had for a very long time. We talked a lot. Mostly I talked about how I felt, what I was confused about, not so much what I wanted, but what I had wanted. This isn't to say I don't want her anymore. Hell.. far from it. But what it does mean is that we talked about us and simply put, friends we are, friends we will stay. Why is it that you never want what you can have? I kinda touched on this a few posts ago with regard to always having had feelings for this girl, but I came to the realisation tonight that what I want is an impossibility. So, I suppose in that respect, I'm also feeling the loneliest I have in a while. I can no longer hide behind the illusion or in my imagination that we are or will be anything more that this. I'm not saying this for pity or to make anyone feel guilty or sad for me, I'm just trying to order things in my head. It almost seems a little mocking that she's close enough to see, but always just out of reach. At the moment I'm feeling like the childhood love interest of Isabella Kane in Jeffrey Archer's The Prodigal Daughter. If anyone's read it, somehow I doubt that things will turn out the same in this situation as they did in the book. Then again, things rarely do.
You know, whilst I'm drifting on about what I don't have, I'm completely overlooking what I do have. Regardless of anything else, I've gotten to know and care deeply for one of the most compassionate, warm and caring people I could possibly imagine. Thinking about my other girlfriends, I did realise something tonight. I really was projecting Dimity onto them. This wasn't fair to them and thinking back on it now, I'm surprised that they put up with it for as long as they did. I was imagining them as this reincarnation of my relationship with Dimity rather than viewing it as a separate and special thing in its own right. I think I owe one girl in particular an apology. In the future though, I don't think I'll be dating for quite a while. At least not until I can be certain that whichever girl I'm dating, I'm dating her for who she is, not whom I want her to be...
Tuesday, August 05, 2003
Whoops.. was supposed to (I think) pick Tony and Jodi up from Jodi's place this morning to get them to uni by 12pm. However, instead, I went to my grandmother's and promptly fell asleep, only to wake up at about 1:45 and think "shit". So, this is an electronic apology to Tony and Jodi and I hope that they got to their lectures on time despite my somnolence.
In other news, having thought about my last post, I've come to the conclusion that I must be VERY VERY CAREFUL (almost as if we were hunting wabbits) about what I do and how I approach this situation. I'm REALLY not prepared to blow it by lousy timing or an ill-considered remark. So, will keep people posted, but not as blatantly as I have been.
Update from Simon (and this is taken straight from the email he sent me): "...have been trying to get Japanese encephalitis. So far haven't done it. Still not sick. Dave [Hoffman] will give me 100 Thai Baht ($4) if I get it. Bargain!" - God he's a twisted little fuck...
I'm also thinking of creating a VERY private blog (as in, password protected to access it). I know I'm not as skilled as Andrew (no Copeland, I don't mean you, I mean my older brother), but I should still be able to make it reasonably difficult for people to access it without permission. Actually, come to think of it, it should be reasonably easy.
Also, Scoon. Will chase up that issue you were having. I had a program kicking around somewhere that'll do it, but I still have to hunt it down.
In still more tech related news, I managed to pick up a new hard drive the other day. It's a Maxtor 8mb cache, 120Gb 7,200 IDE hard drive. However, I forgot that I didn't have any ports free on either primary or secondary IDE channels, so I also picked up a Promise ATA133PCI IDE RAID controller card. (Fuck me but that's a mouthful!). However, I'm still getting SERIOUSLY shit performance reviews from 3DMarkPro'03 in the benchtests, so I think I'm going to backup my 40Gb to the new 120Gb and format it. If that doesn't fix the problem then it's more than likely to be a faulty power supply. I know that it would be much simpler to swap PSUs to test, but I need to format my drive anyway. After that, I'm taking it over to Fred's and leaching until I run out of drivespace and blank cds. So, if anyone wants anything, just let me know and I'll try to pick it up for you. Remember, he has a RAID stack approaching 400Gb (when mirrored).
Last thing for this post. 3 things I learnt at uni this week:
* Ancient Greece is really old. Like, even back to the Bronze Age;
* Charlemagne (Carolas Magnus) was crowned the first Holy Roman Emperor on Christmas Day, AD800 by Pope Leo III; and
* Ancient Rome had an impact on later European history, but not as much as we might like to believe.
::shakes head:: At times I wonder whether the easy and simplicity of doing 1st year subjects is worth the aggravation of sitting through dumbass, boring as all hell, lectures given to people who don't know the difference between Doric, Ionic and Corinthian columns, let alone the difference between Helladic, Cycladic and Hellenistic cultures. ::stops ranting::
In other news, having thought about my last post, I've come to the conclusion that I must be VERY VERY CAREFUL (almost as if we were hunting wabbits) about what I do and how I approach this situation. I'm REALLY not prepared to blow it by lousy timing or an ill-considered remark. So, will keep people posted, but not as blatantly as I have been.
Update from Simon (and this is taken straight from the email he sent me): "...have been trying to get Japanese encephalitis. So far haven't done it. Still not sick. Dave [Hoffman] will give me 100 Thai Baht ($4) if I get it. Bargain!" - God he's a twisted little fuck...
I'm also thinking of creating a VERY private blog (as in, password protected to access it). I know I'm not as skilled as Andrew (no Copeland, I don't mean you, I mean my older brother), but I should still be able to make it reasonably difficult for people to access it without permission. Actually, come to think of it, it should be reasonably easy.
Also, Scoon. Will chase up that issue you were having. I had a program kicking around somewhere that'll do it, but I still have to hunt it down.
In still more tech related news, I managed to pick up a new hard drive the other day. It's a Maxtor 8mb cache, 120Gb 7,200 IDE hard drive. However, I forgot that I didn't have any ports free on either primary or secondary IDE channels, so I also picked up a Promise ATA133PCI IDE RAID controller card. (Fuck me but that's a mouthful!). However, I'm still getting SERIOUSLY shit performance reviews from 3DMarkPro'03 in the benchtests, so I think I'm going to backup my 40Gb to the new 120Gb and format it. If that doesn't fix the problem then it's more than likely to be a faulty power supply. I know that it would be much simpler to swap PSUs to test, but I need to format my drive anyway. After that, I'm taking it over to Fred's and leaching until I run out of drivespace and blank cds. So, if anyone wants anything, just let me know and I'll try to pick it up for you. Remember, he has a RAID stack approaching 400Gb (when mirrored).
Last thing for this post. 3 things I learnt at uni this week:
* Ancient Greece is really old. Like, even back to the Bronze Age;
* Charlemagne (Carolas Magnus) was crowned the first Holy Roman Emperor on Christmas Day, AD800 by Pope Leo III; and
* Ancient Rome had an impact on later European history, but not as much as we might like to believe.
::shakes head:: At times I wonder whether the easy and simplicity of doing 1st year subjects is worth the aggravation of sitting through dumbass, boring as all hell, lectures given to people who don't know the difference between Doric, Ionic and Corinthian columns, let alone the difference between Helladic, Cycladic and Hellenistic cultures. ::stops ranting::
Sunday, August 03, 2003
Damn.. talk about not being able to see the forest for the trees...
I'm currently having a chat with Nicola about (everyone's favourite topic) Dimity. Actually, I'm going to grab parts of it wholesale and just paste it in here..
David - ...I took her out to Freestyle at Rosalie for dessert last night and she asked me why I was there with her when I've got all of these other girls after me. How exactly could I have put it (diplomatically) that I was there with her because she is the one I want to be with
David - says:
(please excuse the soapie-sounding nature of that last post.. It sounds tacky but that's the most succinct I can make it..
Nicola says:
ever occur to u to just say that?
Nicola says:
just out of curiosity?
David - says:
Ahh.. more often than you'd imagine.. however, if she's not prepared to admit that she might still have feelings for me, there's a very good chance that it could scare her.
Nicola says:
possibly a little unsubtle, but probably what she wanted u to say
David - says:
::sits still in shock::
Nicola says:
her question was in itself fairly unsubtle
Nicola says:
was
Nicola says:
???
David - says:
::slowly tries to restart brain::
David - says:
::fails::
Nicola says:
y in shock?
David - says:
Because I completely missed that.
Nicola says:
hehehe
David - says:
Here was me thinking that she isn't able to decide what she wanted from me (us), and that I was being gentlemanly? and not pushing her...
Nicola says:
mmmm
David - says:
::brain falls over again::
David - says:
::shakes head:: umm...
Nicola says:
hehehe
David - says:
I'm alternating between kicking myself and grinning like an idiot.
David - says:
(doing both at once tends to get you locked up somewhere padded).
Nicola says:
i cant believe u!
David - says:
what?
David - says:
the fact that I missed something so obvious?
Nicola says:
i'm sorrie, possibly due to the fact that i'm female, but that just sounds fairly obvious to me
Seriously.. if I wasn't blindly attached to Dimity and if Nicola were a few years older, I'd ask her to marry me (well, probably not really, but you get the idea of how grateful I am, even if I look like an idiot now..).
Damn! ::grins like an idiot::
I'm currently having a chat with Nicola about (everyone's favourite topic) Dimity. Actually, I'm going to grab parts of it wholesale and just paste it in here..
David - ...I took her out to Freestyle at Rosalie for dessert last night and she asked me why I was there with her when I've got all of these other girls after me. How exactly could I have put it (diplomatically) that I was there with her because she is the one I want to be with
David - says:
(please excuse the soapie-sounding nature of that last post.. It sounds tacky but that's the most succinct I can make it..
Nicola says:
ever occur to u to just say that?
Nicola says:
just out of curiosity?
David - says:
Ahh.. more often than you'd imagine.. however, if she's not prepared to admit that she might still have feelings for me, there's a very good chance that it could scare her.
Nicola says:
possibly a little unsubtle, but probably what she wanted u to say
David - says:
::sits still in shock::
Nicola says:
her question was in itself fairly unsubtle
Nicola says:
was
Nicola says:
???
David - says:
::slowly tries to restart brain::
David - says:
::fails::
Nicola says:
y in shock?
David - says:
Because I completely missed that.
Nicola says:
hehehe
David - says:
Here was me thinking that she isn't able to decide what she wanted from me (us), and that I was being gentlemanly? and not pushing her...
Nicola says:
mmmm
David - says:
::brain falls over again::
David - says:
::shakes head:: umm...
Nicola says:
hehehe
David - says:
I'm alternating between kicking myself and grinning like an idiot.
David - says:
(doing both at once tends to get you locked up somewhere padded).
Nicola says:
i cant believe u!
David - says:
what?
David - says:
the fact that I missed something so obvious?
Nicola says:
i'm sorrie, possibly due to the fact that i'm female, but that just sounds fairly obvious to me
Seriously.. if I wasn't blindly attached to Dimity and if Nicola were a few years older, I'd ask her to marry me (well, probably not really, but you get the idea of how grateful I am, even if I look like an idiot now..).
Damn! ::grins like an idiot::
Thursday, July 31, 2003
***CAUTION: Contains deeply personal and philosophical musings.. if you're not sure you want to know about the inner workings of my brain, stop reading here***
Well, the aftermath of the dinner with Dimity was as follows: She REALLY looked stunning (breathtakingly so!). And I woke up the next morning (get your minds out of the gutter) to find a rather large (well, larger than anticipated) hole in my bank account. However, we had a great time and did I mention how beautiful she looked? We started at Vino's on Eagle Street and ended up at the Port Office Hotel for cocktails. God.. the bartenders there are a) hot (according to Dim) and b) VERY, VERY good at what they do (according to me :)). Then again, I might be slightly biased by the fact that that's where I did my training...
Anyway, I'm currently sitting here freezing my fingers off, and in buoyantly happy mood. I spent a bit of time again today looking for Dim's birthday present (actually, it's not really for her birthday, but that'll do until I can come up with a pretext for it, other than just wanting to see the look on her face). However, the end result is that I'm smelling a lot like her. I spent a fair amount of time researching her favourite perfume (Thierry Mugler's Angel, if you're interested) and had a sample of it sitting in my top pocket. Now whenever I sit down, I get a strong scent of her. It's making it very hard to concentrate.
I have to say, this kinda sucks though. On the one hand, we had a talk about our relationship a few months ago, and on paper, we're just friends. However, since then, we've become a lot closer (at least, I think we have), and there have been what might be some fairly strong indicators that she might be looking for more than just friendship. But, at the same time, I have to acknowledge that it could just be me imprinting my desires onto what are really platonic actions. And damn! (apart from the fact that I should never begin a sentence with a conjunction), if the previous sentence had any more qualifiers in it, it would almost fit into a piece of legal doctrine.
The problem with our situation is this: If I ask her about us, there is the likely reaction that she'll say we're just friends, even if she really wants more, but isn't prepared to say so yet. That would not be a good outcome. Then again, I could always just push the boundaries a little to see where that gets me, but again, I don't want to risk pushing them too far and scaring her off. So, for all of you out there who are following this with avid (or morbid) curiosity, and even those of you who are sick to death of hearing about it, tough luck. This girl is MUCH more important to me than merely satisfying your curiosity.
Does anyone else find it strange (and maybe a little twisted) that this one girl can hold my attention for this long (and if anyone adds after what she did, I'll want to seriously hurt them)? In all honesty, I have a suspicion that this is one of the reasons that my other relationships haven't worked out very well. It wouldn't surprise me if the other girls picked up the fact that in my mind (albeit, very deeply, since I don't believe in cheating on partners), I was always thinking of her and comparing them to her.
It's been really interesting for me to sit back and observe my behaviour. I know I'm acting like a fool, but I've stopped caring. Recently, I'd lie awake at night, just wishing that I had someone there whom I could hold and just be close to. Now, regardless of what happens down the track, I got to bed at night, smiling because I'm thinking of her. I know it sounds stupid, sappy and possibly a little stalker-ish, but the thing is, even just being friends with her - if that really is all she wants - makes me feel ...happy? Not that I'm suicidal or morbidly depressed when she isn't around (I got over that in year 12), but it's strange. It seems to lift me from being ok to actually being happy. I got told the other day at work that I was grinning insipidly, and the funny thing was, I didn't care :)
She asked me the other nigh when we were at the Port Office, whether I'd been on any dates or out with any girls recently. When I told her no, she wanted to know why not. How could I turn around and say: because I'm currently sitting here with the girl who has completely captured my attention? Actually, if I'd said it like that, it might not have been taken too badly.. :)
Ok.. I know some of you guys are sick of hearing about me and my obsession with this girl, but hell. If you don't like it, then you don't have to read my page. Also, for those of you who have heard all of this before, then you'll just have to put up with it. However, for those of you who haven't heard what's happening with me recently, then I hate to break it to you, but this isn't for you either. This is largely for me to put down how and what I'm feeling about her. Currently, I'm currently feeling this overwhelming sense of satisfaction and completion, just by thinking about her. Oh dear.. I think I just slipped over the line into soppishness. On that note, I think I shall go to bed.
Well, the aftermath of the dinner with Dimity was as follows: She REALLY looked stunning (breathtakingly so!). And I woke up the next morning (get your minds out of the gutter) to find a rather large (well, larger than anticipated) hole in my bank account. However, we had a great time and did I mention how beautiful she looked? We started at Vino's on Eagle Street and ended up at the Port Office Hotel for cocktails. God.. the bartenders there are a) hot (according to Dim) and b) VERY, VERY good at what they do (according to me :)). Then again, I might be slightly biased by the fact that that's where I did my training...
Anyway, I'm currently sitting here freezing my fingers off, and in buoyantly happy mood. I spent a bit of time again today looking for Dim's birthday present (actually, it's not really for her birthday, but that'll do until I can come up with a pretext for it, other than just wanting to see the look on her face). However, the end result is that I'm smelling a lot like her. I spent a fair amount of time researching her favourite perfume (Thierry Mugler's Angel, if you're interested) and had a sample of it sitting in my top pocket. Now whenever I sit down, I get a strong scent of her. It's making it very hard to concentrate
I have to say, this kinda sucks though. On the one hand, we had a talk about our relationship a few months ago, and on paper, we're just friends. However, since then, we've become a lot closer (at least, I think we have), and there have been what might be some fairly strong indicators that she might be looking for more than just friendship. But, at the same time, I have to acknowledge that it could just be me imprinting my desires onto what are really platonic actions. And damn! (apart from the fact that I should never begin a sentence with a conjunction), if the previous sentence had any more qualifiers in it, it would almost fit into a piece of legal doctrine.
The problem with our situation is this: If I ask her about us, there is the likely reaction that she'll say we're just friends, even if she really wants more, but isn't prepared to say so yet. That would not be a good outcome. Then again, I could always just push the boundaries a little to see where that gets me, but again, I don't want to risk pushing them too far and scaring her off. So, for all of you out there who are following this with avid (or morbid) curiosity, and even those of you who are sick to death of hearing about it, tough luck. This girl is MUCH more important to me than merely satisfying your curiosity.
Does anyone else find it strange (and maybe a little twisted) that this one girl can hold my attention for this long (and if anyone adds after what she did, I'll want to seriously hurt them)? In all honesty, I have a suspicion that this is one of the reasons that my other relationships haven't worked out very well. It wouldn't surprise me if the other girls picked up the fact that in my mind (albeit, very deeply, since I don't believe in cheating on partners), I was always thinking of her and comparing them to her.
It's been really interesting for me to sit back and observe my behaviour. I know I'm acting like a fool, but I've stopped caring. Recently, I'd lie awake at night, just wishing that I had someone there whom I could hold and just be close to. Now, regardless of what happens down the track, I got to bed at night, smiling because I'm thinking of her. I know it sounds stupid, sappy and possibly a little stalker-ish, but the thing is, even just being friends with her - if that really is all she wants - makes me feel ...happy? Not that I'm suicidal or morbidly depressed when she isn't around (I got over that in year 12), but it's strange. It seems to lift me from being ok to actually being happy. I got told the other day at work that I was grinning insipidly, and the funny thing was, I didn't care :)
She asked me the other nigh when we were at the Port Office, whether I'd been on any dates or out with any girls recently. When I told her no, she wanted to know why not. How could I turn around and say: because I'm currently sitting here with the girl who has completely captured my attention? Actually, if I'd said it like that, it might not have been taken too badly.. :)
Ok.. I know some of you guys are sick of hearing about me and my obsession with this girl, but hell. If you don't like it, then you don't have to read my page. Also, for those of you who have heard all of this before, then you'll just have to put up with it. However, for those of you who haven't heard what's happening with me recently, then I hate to break it to you, but this isn't for you either. This is largely for me to put down how and what I'm feeling about her. Currently, I'm currently feeling this overwhelming sense of satisfaction and completion, just by thinking about her. Oh dear.. I think I just slipped over the line into soppishness. On that note, I think I shall go to bed.
Sunday, July 27, 2003
I'm currently sitting at Dimity's computer whilst she is in her bathroom putting on makeup. She's wearing a new dress she bought the other day and she looks STUNNING!. Like, jaw droppingly beautiful. Then again, I might be a little biased..
Anyway, after I've had all my recent pay disputes sorted out (some money not arriving on time and other money arriving unexpectedly), I'm now wandering around with a fairly comfortable amount of money in the bank. So, because I can (not to mention want to), I'm taking Dimity out to dinner. I suggested Vino's, but she kinda looked horrified at the thought of the cost (even though I'm paying..).
Anyway, must go.. she's almost finished getting ready and I don't want her to see this weblog (very few people know about it..)
Anyway, after I've had all my recent pay disputes sorted out (some money not arriving on time and other money arriving unexpectedly), I'm now wandering around with a fairly comfortable amount of money in the bank. So, because I can (not to mention want to), I'm taking Dimity out to dinner. I suggested Vino's, but she kinda looked horrified at the thought of the cost (even though I'm paying..).
Anyway, must go.. she's almost finished getting ready and I don't want her to see this weblog (very few people know about it..)
Thursday, June 05, 2003
Hmm.. it would appear I've got Dimity a little grumpy with me.. she hasn't said anything, but at the same time, I was given a very clear non-verbal message to "fuck off" today.. I wonder what I'm supposed to have done this time..
(the plot thickens...)
(the plot thickens...)
Tuesday, June 03, 2003
God.. I'm supposed to go to a tutorial in about an hour and a half and I still haven't got the assignment done.. this is still due to the reasons stated below. At least I haven't thrown up for about 30 hours now.. maybe I'm slowly getting over it? Whatever "it" was..
I feel like shit.
I've been throwing up, collapsing at random intervals, getting weird pains behind my eyes and blurry vision for about the last week.
I've been eating reasonably normally (for me at least), sleeping about the same, working slightly harder than normal, but then again, that's not really too much of a strain.
Oh yeah.. and I've got 4 pieces of assessment due this week. I think I might go and shoot myself now to save me the hassle later. Hopefully I can get an extension on the piece due in today..
I've been throwing up, collapsing at random intervals, getting weird pains behind my eyes and blurry vision for about the last week.
I've been eating reasonably normally (for me at least), sleeping about the same, working slightly harder than normal, but then again, that's not really too much of a strain.
Oh yeah.. and I've got 4 pieces of assessment due this week. I think I might go and shoot myself now to save me the hassle later. Hopefully I can get an extension on the piece due in today..
